KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGs....

Here is your Thursday morning smile......When you start your day with that, it's sure to be a good one!


If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers...

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

The Following are comments made when asked about the Ocean...

> 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
>
>
> 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls.(Jerry, age 6)
>
>
> 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don't
> have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.( Wayne , age 7)
>
>
> 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
> Richardson. She's not my friend any more.(Kylie, age 6)
>
>
> 5) - A dolphin breaths through an a**hole on the top of its head.
> (Billy, age
>
>
> 6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
> pots and comes back with crabs.(Millie, age 6)
>
>
> 7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross
> the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would
> whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been
> better off eating beans. (William, age 7
>
>
> ) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are
> beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do
>
> mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
>
>
> 9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is
> always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has
> just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
>
>
> 10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels
> can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where
> I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher,
> age 7)
>
>
> 11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it
> makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
>
>
> 12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers
> can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky,
>
> age
>
>
> 13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she
> was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water
> fired right up her big fat a**. (Julie, age 7)
>
>
> 14)-The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
> I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
>
>
> 15)-My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
> What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my
> mom. (James,age 7)

And lastly....
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats
a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,
"Are
all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are
customer complaints.

More words of wisdom...




Subject: Fw: Why God made Moms!!



--- On


Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:



> Why did God make mothers?

> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

> 2. Mostly to clean the house.

> 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

>

> How did God make mothers?

> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

> 3. God made Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger

> parts.

>

> What ingredients are mothers made of?

> 1. God made mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in

> the world and one dab of mean.

> 2. They had to get their start from men's bones..Then they mostly

used

> string, I think.

>

> Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

> 1. We're related.

> 2. God knew she likes me alot more than other people's moms like me.

>

> What kind of little girl was your mom?

> 1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

> 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess wouls be

pretty

> bossy.

> 3. They say she used to be nice.

>

> What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?

> 1. His last name.

> 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk

> on beer?

> 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Dis he say NO to drugs and Yes to

> chores?

>

> Why did your Mom marry your Dad?

> 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world, and my mom eats alot.

> 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

> 3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

>

> Who's the boss at your house?

> 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such

a goof

> ball.

> 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the

> bed.

> 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

>

> What's the difference between Moms and Dads?

> 1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

> 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

> 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power

'cause

> that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

> 4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without the medicine.

>

> What does you mom do in her spare time?

> 1. Mothers don't do spare time.

> 2. To hear her tell it, she pays the bills all day long.

>

> What would it take to make you mom perfect?

> 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of

> plastic surgery.

> 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

>

> If you could change one thing about you mom, what would it be?

> 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get

rid

> of that.

> 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who

did

> it and not me.

> 3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her

> head.

>

>

>

>

>

A few 7 year olds were asked 'What do you think of beer?'. Here are their responses.



'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on TV when he is asleep'
--Mellanie, 7 years old



''My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'
--Toby, 7 years old



'My Dad gets funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.
--Sarah, 7 years old



'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'
--Lilly, 7 years old



'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'
--Ethan, 7 years old



'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'
--Shirley, 7 years old





And the best one…..


'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'
--Tim, 7 years old

OMG! That last one is a doozy! Hehehe..

I know, I still laugh out loud every time I hear it!

wrong thing,sorry