Life With Twins: A Rant

As you may know just by looking at my photo, I've got twins. I love them. I do, I do, I do. But, having twins is extraordinarily demanding. I love my twins. I love having twins. I always wanted to have twins. What I hate is the unsolicited advice I get from mothers who have just one baby and/or are twice my age. Shut up and leave me the heck alone. What happens with your baby is completely different that what happens with two babies are the same age. How you raised your infant back in 1952 or even 1972 is completely different than raising two infants in 2009.

Let's talk about today for instance. My husband and I live at my mother's house. She's got an enormous house and lives alone. I need help with the twins, so it's the perfect living situation. Unfortunately, my husband and I also own our own townhouse about 20 minutes away - which we cannot rent because it is against our Homeowners Association By-Laws. Plus, it's worth about $50,000 less than what we purchased it for back in 2004. AND, our 3 cats live there. Why do our cats live there and not here? Because my son is so allergic to cats that we had to rush him to the hospital one night due to an allergic reaction. Believe me, you don't know what adrenaline is until you see your 9 month old baby strapped to a gurney in an ambulance. So, we are at mom's, looking for good homes for our cats, waiting to sell the house when the market is better and trying to save money so that we can build on an extension and convert the basement.

But, I digress.

My mom's birthday is on March 31. My grandma's birthday is on March 5. Mom got 2 free nights at Foxwoods, and made reservations 2 months ago to go. Now, this is before I ever ended up in the hospital, much less had surgery. So, mom gave us a kiss and left with grandma for Connecticut.

Lunch was fine. The babies ate everything. I think Charlie is hitting a growth spurt because he ate nearly twice what Catherine ate, then wanted to go to sleep right away. (Then again, who doesn't want to sleep after a big meal?) My husband worked a midnight shift last night (he's a cop), so he slept at our townhouse to get peace and quiet. There is a Subway right near our townhouse, so I sent him a text message saying, "Please pick me up a Sub Club: tomatoes, lettuce, green peppers and olives. Wheat bread. No mayo. Love you!" So, he shows up at the house at 2:45 right as the babies were waking from their nap with my sandwich. He played with the babies as I unwrapped my sandwich... Only to find that there was no meat on my Sub Club. My husband thought I didn't want meat on the sandwich; just the veggies. Since the sandwich is just 10 grams of fat, I'm able to eat it on my current low-fat diet. I had planned on eating half for lunch and the other half for dinner. Instead, I ended up with a salad on wheat. Believe me when I say that the meat is what makes the sandwich. But, hey, at least I'm eating healthy.

Craig goes off to work, and I'm left with the twins. We sit on the floor and play. As this is going on, I get a phone call from someone that I work very closely with, only to find out that someone else stabbed me in the back. And I can't do anything about it because I've got the twins. I send off a quick email to those that need to know, try to do a little damage control, and still pay attention to Charles and Catherine. What really cracks me up is when people roll their eyes when I say that I work from home. I'm a mom, wife, daughter and travel agent. I own my travel agency. So, when someone asks me if they could speak to my supervisor - especially a 21 year old PITA that I told should have had her transfers booked when she booked her cruise in the first place, because the transfers are closed just three days in advance - it takes everything for me not to lose my cool. But, hey, at least I'm learning anger management.

So, I try to feed the babies their dinner. Charlie is tired and unhappy, and Catie is feeding off of his misery. I've got two wailing babies as I'm trying to sing, dance and feed them. Charlie eats all of his food, but I'm having problems with Catie. All of a sudden, she starts choking on a piece of cheese. I rip her out of her high chair, tip her over and pat her on her back. And she vomits EVERYWHERE. Charlie sees this and bursts into tears. The two of them are absolutely inconsolable. I clean Catherine up, put her in her playpen and get Charlie. Catie found Elmo, so she's calmer. Charlie is still screaming, until I sing the Bonanza theme song and he starts to laugh. I change him into his jammies and stick him in his walker. More tears. So, I keep singing Bonanza as I get Catherine changed into her jammies. I stick Catherine in her walker and let the two of them play bumper cars for a little while. Exhausting. But, hey, at least I'm getting some exercise.

Catherine starts smacking her lips and going "Nom-nom-nom," indicating she's hungry again. I get some yogurt and split it between the two of them. When I walk into the kitchen, I notice that virtually all of the vomit is cleaned up off the floor. Nice to know my chihuahua is good for something. Revolting. But, hey, at least I didn't have to clean the chunks up myself.

The babies eat their yogurt and start giving the signs that they are tired. I bring both of their bottles upstairs first, then carry the two of them up. We lay in bed together and they drink their bottles. Charlie starts falling asleep, but Catherine decides that she wants to play. She wakes him up. They continue playing for half an hour, even when one is trying to go to sleep. I decide that tonight will be the night that I try to get them to sleep in their own cribs, like my mother has been nagging me to do. I stick them in each of their cribs, give them their loveys, walk out and close the door. All Hell breaks loose over the baby monitor. For the next 20 minutes, the twins are screaming hysterically, sobbing, wailing, whatever you want to call it. "Just let them cry," people say to me. Right. Catherine vomits again, this time all over herself in her fresh pajamas and the crib. Charlie follows suit. I hear it over the baby monitor and run upstairs. I clean both of them and stick them in the bed. They finish off their bottles and fall asleep. Frustrating. But, hey, it's nice to know that they love me so much that they want to sleep with me.

I clean the cribs as silently as possible, lying back down with my babies whenever I hear them stir or fuss. Success. I then head downstairs, toss on the laundry, clean the floor, clean up the remainder of the house. Tiring. But, hey, at least the house will be clean when we wake up in the morning.

Now I sit here, debating on whether I should have cheerios for dinner of 4-day old pizza. I'm leaning toward the Cheerios. I'm too tired and moody to get anything else accomplished, even though I've got 2 writing assignments for Demand Studios and a press release that I need to write. I just found out that I may not be going on a vacation that I wanted to go on. Disappointing. But, hey, at least I have one coming up in September.

I need a break. I really, really do. Like, a mental health break or something. I love my babies. I love my family. I have just been going non-stop since starting IVF back in August 2007. I landed in the hospital the first time in November 2007, and have been in virtually every month since. They misdiagnosed me back then, and finally took my gall bladder out. Who cares if I had an infection? I'm better now. I just need to heal-- mentally, emotionally and physically. Truly. But, hey, at least I've got a vacation coming up.

My twins don't walk yet. They sleep in my bed. They still eat some baby food. They are 100% dependent on me. They may be 1 because they were born on 3/14, but they were over 6 weeks early. I hate when they get compared to other babies their age. They should be compared to babies that are just over 10 months old. Truthfully, I hate when they are compared to any other babies - even to each other. They are individuals and should be treated as such. It's annoying. But, hey, at least I haven't been arrested for assaulting someone who has made derogatory comments on their development.

Thanks for reading. I feel better now.

Candice

Candice,
I'm sorry that the twins were sick today. If you can survive without help until your Mom gets back, maybe she can watch them for half a day, and you go to your favorite spa, an indulge yourself, a nice massage, a facial mani/pedi, a nice relaxing lunch. I can't imagine two at a time plus your surgery and your career at the same time. Slow down, work is always be there in a few days, look after your health, and hopefully the twins will feel much better tomorrow., and you can get some sleep and a real meal. I did laugh about the Subway sandwich, maybe your husband thought you were converting to a vegetarian! Call restaurant delivery, splurge and get what you want to eat. As far as the PITA, just blow them off, anger management is way overrated at times, sarcasm works wonders I found. Sending great thoughts for a wonderful day for you tomorrow,
Kelcie

Candy...when did you get time to type this???
That SUBWAY story cracked me up! Now that's funny. Salad on wheat....

I could never be a mother. I simply could not manage all that a mother has to juggle. You guys are like....super-heroes.

A vacation is a good escape. As Jimmy Buffett would say...it' time for some "Mental Floss."

Loved reading this. I have to admit it gave me a chuckle because I've been there but not with twins. Just 2 daughters 4 years apart. Having taught for 22 years I was always amazed at how many parents could do a better job teaching than I could, or at least that is what they told me! To me raising children is the same. Someone always thinks that they can do better than you can or that you are doing it wrong. After all, look at all of the books written to tell you how to raise you children! Do what is best for your family.

As for your dinner. That sounds like something my husband would do. I don't know how many time he has messed up ordering at places like Subway and we have been married 19 years and he knows what I ususally get.

As for the gall bladder issues. Been there done that and think our 16 year old is exhibiting symptoms of trouble. In fact waiting on results from an ultrasound right now. I had mine out 29 years ago and have the scar to prove it. (Only 12 inches long!) Probably should have stayed on the low fat diet but haven't!!!

Bottom line: Raise your children with love and I'm sure all will be well.

Candy:

Totally understand your frustration and it brings me right back to when my daughter, Jennifer, was very young (she is 11 now). But you know as much as you vented (and venting is fine on here, believe me) it was all done with love. I know, I've been there, done that. Not with twins but when you said one woke the other up because they wanted to play - that was priceless. I know how you feel but you have memories yet to come that will touch your heart over and over. You are 100% where you need to be yet Kelcie is right when she mentioned sarcasm. And you know exactly where to find that. Just look for Ron.

Candy,

Have you considered doing a commercial for SouthWest? You sound like you really need to get away.....

Wow. Someone hit me with a negative mark for this post. I'm impressed.

Kelcie - The twins weren't sick. When they cry too much, they puke. And I wish I could eat what I want!!! I've got 3 more weeks of a fat controlled diet, then I can start allowing fat back in GRADUALLY. So much for the Melting Pot. I totally wanted to go there. Thanks for your good thoughts. Hubby is off today and tomorrow... At least I've got help with the babies! I hope you have a lovely day, too.

Pete - I wrote it after the babies went to sleep and before I had my Cheerios. Writing is totally an outlet for me. I'm not a Buffet fan, but I like the "Mental Floss" saying. Clever. And thanks for the superheroes remark.

Greta - Doesn't it kill you when people refer to daycare as school? ESPECIALLY as a teacher? I know women who don't like calling it daycare, so they say, "I'm bringing Jimmy to school today!" School? Really?? For an 8 month old??? Wow. Super baby. Here's a question for you.... Do YOU go to the Melting Pot without a gall bladder and all????? Thanks for the support.

Fred - Nice chatting with you today. I know I'll look back at bedtime with fond memories. It's just frustrating now.

Steve - SO, true.

Can

Candice,
Well, I just got educated again. I just assumed the twins were sick because of their throwing up. Glad to know that they are fine. Hopefully, you can eat something better today, and look forward to the Melting Pot soon, pizza, pasta, etc. I'm glad you can have some help today, but please book something relaxing for yourself. You so deserve some "me" time.
Take care,
Kelcie

Kelcie - Thanks. Me, too. It was really niche chatting with you. I needed the boost!

candy - you may have had a rough night but i got a call this morning from a friend of mine who is a member of this board that her son and daughter-in-law had a beautiful baby girl this morning. she just called me that they are rushing the baby to philadelphia childrens hospital because she can't breathe and there are major problems. so when you have that perspective sometimes a little puke won't make you feel so bad. i know just when i think it's bad - it really isn't when i compare it to someone else. not to make light of what you were going thru but sometimes the next day you can make light of it.

Wait until they are teenagers..lol. Trust me when i tell you...you've seen nothing yet!!!

Ronrocks wrote:

Wait until they are teenagers..lol. Trust me when i tell you...you've seen nothing yet!!!

Boy can I vouch for that!

I have a 12 year old that I am almost ready to give away then she comes up and gives me a hug and a kiss. Go figure.

Pat - Trust me, I know all about baby emergencies. Charlie stopped breathing on March 17th and they had to resesutate him in the NICU. The twins were born 6 weeks and 4 days early, and spent 13 days in the NICU. I'm sorry for what your friend and her family are going through. And, no, you didn't make light of what I'm going through-- but you didn't put anything into perspective either. (No offense.) I went through what your friend is going through. Thank God for Stony Brook Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit. They saved my babies a year ago. Tomorrow will mark one year that they "graduated" from the NICU.

Ron - I don't even want to think about them being teenagers! I appreciate every minute I have with them... No need to rush anything!!! LOL

Greta - I hear you. It's very frustrating feeding CAtherine at times, because she refuses to eat. When I'm at my wit's end, she holds a piece of cheese out for me and says "Mama".






Can

Cute pictures Candy ... i actually miss that age and stage at times!! I can relate to so many pieces of your rant above. Although my girls are becoming older and more independent, parenting can be challenging at times ... but i love it!! My husband also works night shifts weekly, so bed time for me can be exhausting especially when they both want my attention and i just want some down time. My advice is to find something in everyday to laugh about ... and don't be afraid to have a good cry from time to time

Thanks, Livabeth. I really am enjoying them. They are so funny and so smart. It's awesome watching them learn. They will be on the cruises this July (QM2) and September (Caribbean Princess) as well as next May (Eclipse). Thanks for your advice. That's exactly what I do.

candy - is your husband a nypd or is it like here where there are local police departments.

No, he's local.

i wasn't sure if long island (that is where middle island is?) had local or were nypd. in nj we have the state police and then each township or boro have their own local police.

We've got county police, and then some of the towns have their own PD. Craig works for a town.

bet he doesn't get the same awesome benefits of nypd. but then again it's probably much safer in your town then nyc. that has to be nuts.

Says who? He's got UNBELIEVABLE health, dental and eye benefits. Plus, I didn't have to pay a dime to go through IVF. His insurance paid for it. He's also got a terrific pension.